


In the Low Lamp Light I Was Free

by halfabreath



Series: after the raven has had his say [4]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, too many cows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-10 11:43:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12911217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfabreath/pseuds/halfabreath
Summary: Every couple has a first time.





	In the Low Lamp Light I Was Free

**Author's Note:**

> an anon wanted to know about jackholtz' first time so naturally i wrote a long rambling emotional thing that eventually gets to porn so just. hold on folks. 
> 
> a big giant huge gargantuan thank you to alphacrone/the_one_that_fell.
> 
> title from Hozier's "Work Song"
> 
> halfabreath.tumblr.com/tagged/after-the-raven

Jack has been dating Adam for almost one month and it’s like nothing he’s ever experienced before. His past romantic entanglements were torrid love affairs at development camps or friends with benefits situations where he was the only one under the impression that he and his partner were  _ just friends _ . He hasn’t ever really done the boyfriend thing before, and he never, not a million years, thought he’d be doing it with Adam fucking Birkholtz, of all people, but here he is and here they are and it’s only been a month but it’s  _ good. _

Adam’s a man of contradictions: he’s unbelievably loud (Jack has heard him singing across fields and through multiple sets of walls) and brash, solitary and sarcastic, but the past month has been filed with quiet, gentle moments (Adam driving all the way into town to bring him the scarf he’d forgotten at the farm, Adam officially introducing him to each and every animal, their fingers tangled together as he pointed out names and personalities, Adam greeting him by the front gate with a slow kiss, fingers curling around the collar of Jack’s shirt, Adam walking into his apartment with his hands stuffed in his pockets and shoulders hunched like he was worried he’d break something). 

Jack’s only been at work for a few hours, counting down the hours until his third official date with Adam, when his phone buzzes. The soft vibrations cut through the silence of the archives and the scattered students and librarians look up and glare as Jack digs through the manuscripts and books piled up on his desk in search of his phone. He finds it just after the buzzing stops, tucked under a cookbook from 1899, and quickly unlocks his phone to read the three texts from Adam.

**Adam Birkholtz:** Hey, I’m so sorry, but I can’t make it into town tonight for our date.   
**Adam Birkholtz:** Calving started early and my uncle threw out his back so my aunt isn’t in town to help.   
**Adam Birkholtz:** Can I have like a week long rain check? Does that make me the worst boyfriend ever?   


**Me:** your snoring makes you the worst boyfriend ever   
**Me:** how can I help?

**Adam Birkholtz:** That’s cold, Zimmermann.  
**Adam Birkholtz:** Honestly, there’s not much you can do unless you’re secretly a cow OBGYN.

**Me:** I am not a cow OBGYN because that doesn’t sound like a real job

**Adam Birkholtz:** I’ll call you when things calm down? So we can reschedule? Sorry.

Jack stares at his phone waiting for another stream of texts to come though but the screen eventually goes dark. He frowns down at his reflection and makes a gut decision. It doesn’t take long to convince his boss to give him the next few days off in exchange for tackling the mundane organizational project everyone around the archive has been dodging and then he’s out the door, a man on a mission. 

When Jack steps into Adam’s house two hours later he can immediately tell that something is amiss. There are blankets thrown over the back of the couch and two pairs of boots lying on the ground by the door, but Jack pauses in the threshold, glancing around the living room with a frown on his face. He inhales, trying to think of what might be setting him on edge, and when he exhales he realizes it’s the smell: Adam’s house smells like coffee, acrid and bitter, even though Jack knows for a fact Adam  _ hates _ coffee. As Jack wanders into the kitchen the scent only grows stronger and he’s greeted by the sight of a sink full of empty mugs and a giant tub of Folgers next to a coffee maker he didn’t even know Adam owned. 

There’s a loud thump from outside and when Jack looks out the window there’s Adam, leading a very pregnant cow out of the barn. He’s wearing his customary boots, dirty work jeans, and doesn’t have nearly enough layers for Rhode Island in March. His thick brows are drawn together and his mouth is turned down in a worried frown but the sight of him still makes something warm twist in Jack’s chest. Inspired, Jack plucks a mug out of the sink and cleans it quickly, throwing some water in the electric kettle before digging through the cabinets for Adam’s favorite Irish breakfast tea. 

When Jack walks into the barn, steaming mug in hand, Adam’s standing in front of the cow - Morgan or Tracy, he thinks, Jack’s still not great at identifying each and every animal - with that same worried expression on his face. He’s scratching the side of her huge head, murmuring something Jack can’t quite hear, and looks over in surprise when he hears footsteps. 

“Jack?” Adam says, eyes wide. “What are you doing here? Didn’t you get my text?” He strides over to Jack, looking concerned as he wipes his palms on his jeans. Jack reaches out to place a hand on his bicep once he’s close enough. He can feel how cool Adam’s skin is beneath the henley he’s wearing. 

“I came to see you. Yes, I did. I made you this.” Jack answers each question in turn as he holds out the mug until Adam takes it. “Where’s your coat?” He asks, settling his palms on Adam’s chest to feel if he’s just as cold there. He is, and Jack takes his free hand in both of his, trying to rub some warmth into his boyfriend’s cold fingers. Now that he’s close he can see the bags under Adam’s eyes.

Adam looks down at Jack, gaze bouncing between his face and the contents of the mug like he’s trying to figure out which to address first. “It’s, uh, it’s dirty.” He says, blinking rapidly as he adjusts to Jack’s sudden presence. “Haven’t had time to clean it so I’m - wait, why are you here?” His hand turns in Jack’s grip to lace their fingers together, and he gives Jack a little squeeze to make sure he’s really there. 

“You said you’d be busy, so I’m going to help you.” Jack announces, bringing Adam’s hand up to rest against his chest. “You sounded stressed in your text.” He explains even as Adam’s gaze narrows again. It’s not his angry face - Jack’s well acquainted with that expression from their hockey days - it’s his thinking face.  The thing is, Jack’s not making an offer for Adam to consider. 

“What about my text made you think I was stressed?” Adam asks to Jack’s surprise. He thought he’d have a little more of a fight on his hands given how stubborn Adam can be about his independence. 

Jack leans in just as Adam takes a sip of his tea. “You didn’t use any emoticants or emojays.” He explains, and Adam immediately coughs up the tea as he laughs. He wipes his mouth with his wrist and grins down at Jack, and  _ there,  _ that’s the face Jack was hoping to see today. 

“First of all,” Adam begins, tugging on Jack’s hand so he’ll walk with him to take a seat on a hay bale. “It’s emoti _ cons _ and emo _ jis _ , and it’s frankly ridiculous that you can’t remember those words when you can pull the date of William of Orange’s ascension to the throne out of your ass.” Adam teases, and Jack’s about to open his mouth to remind him that 1688 was a  _ very important year _ , thank you very much, when Adam leans in and kisses him softly. He cups Adam’s stubbly cheek with one hand, pulling him closer, and Adam leans into him briefly before pulling away. “Second of all,” He continues, tilting his head forward to bump their foreheads together. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been going crazy these past few days. Do you know how many placentas I’ve seen? Way too fucking many. And thank  _ fuck _ for this tea, because I’ve been drinking coffee for the past three days to stay awake and it’s awful, Jack, seriously, it’s like drinking charcoal and I don’t know how you do it, I really don’t.” He goes on, only pausing to take sips of his tea and Jack’s content to listen because five days without a good old fashioned Birkholtz Rant is far too long. 

They talk until the cow gets restless and Jack might be becoming a fan of this whole pastoral life thing but he’s not quite ready to watch a cow give birth so he heads back to the house and tracks down Adam’s jacket to begin scrubbing the dirt and general farm gunk off it. He loiters around the house, doing the dishes and other small tasks that have built up over the past few days. 

A stray thought takes hold as Jack pulls a load of warm clothes out of the dryer. Jack knows himself, understands precisely how intensely he can focus on a concept or goal, and he knows that a month into a relationship is far, far too soon to be entertaining notions like this, but when he’s folding Adam’s laundry he finds two of his t-shirts and the pair of socks Maman sent him a few months ago and when he glances out the window and catches a glimpse of blonde hair and broad shoulders through the open barn door he thinks  _ I could live here with him and be happy. _

The words cycle through his mind on a continual loop as Jack plucks a thick wool work shirt from stack of laundry and heads back out to the barn. There’s no sign of Adam when he pokes his head in the door but he quickly finds Adam leaning against the pasture fence, watching his herd with a critical eye. 

“Hey,” he greets, and when Adam turns he’s wide-eyed, startled by Jack’s sudden appearance.

“You’re still here,” Adam says, and Jack’s not sure why that’s surprising. He said he’d be here - why would Adam expect him to leave?

“You looked cold,” Jack explains, holding up the shirt to guide it onto Adam’s broad shoulders. “If you were Canadian it would be fine, but I can’t risk your delicate American constitution.” He turns Adam around by his hips so he can button up the shirt as Adam adjusts the collar, and by the time he reaches the top button Adam is grinning down at him.

“You know I grew up like fifteen minutes away from Canada, right?” Adam replies just as Jack reaches up to re-adjust his collar. He rolls his eyes but still tilts his head forward to give him room to work, and that dissolves the few inches that separate them. When Jack tilts his head to press their lips together the stray thought returns, stronger than ever, and  _ I could live here with him and be happy _ distills to  _ he makes me happy _ and when they break apart Jack has to bite his tongue to keep from telling Adam precisely how far gone he is. Instead, he wraps an arm around Adam’s solid frame as his boyfriend drapes an arm over his shoulders and asks for a refresher course on each cow’s name and lineage. 

That night, after he’s convinced Adam to take a fifteen minute break to eat dinner, they go out and see the new calves. They’re cute, but the sight of Adam steadying them as they walk on wobbly legs or gently introducing them to each other is by far the most adorable thing Jack’s seen in a long time. Most of the calves are too skittish to stick around but he pets their mothers, scratching behind their ears and down the front of their face the way he’s seen Adam do a thousand times. He’s starting to like cows as more than a source of protein. 

When he tells Adam as much he’s kicked out of the barn, which is fair given the audience, but he doesn’t miss the way Adam’s shoulders shake with laughter as he pushes him out the door. He doesn’t see Adam for hours even though he lingers in the living room long after he usually goes to sleep. He moves to the bedroom with his most exciting book, the one about the Canadian hockey team at the 1948 winter Olympics, but gives up after an hour. He turns off the lights and wraps his arm around Adam’s pillow so he’ll have to wake up when his boyfriend arrives. 

He’s not sure how much time has passed when a sudden burst of light wakes him, but as he blinks himself awake he sees Adam’s large frame in the doorway. He’s fresh from the shower, drops of water still running down his chest from his wet hair.

"You're here," Adam says, exhaustion and confusion mixing together into an expression Jack can only describe as endearing. Adam almost drops the towel he's holding in surprise but manages to instead toss it weakly in the vague direction of the hamper instead. He's only wearing a slightly-too-small pair of sweatpants that hang low on his hips and cling to his legs. 

Jack tears his gaze away from his boyfriend's thick thighs and sturdy frame, knowing now's not the time for his gaze to linger, even if this is the most of Adam he's seen in their young relationship. "Where else would I be?" He asks as he sits up, waiting patiently as Adam stumbles over to the bed and pushes the covers down so Adam can crawl in next to him. 

Adam groans when he lowers himself down and immediately rolls into Jack's space. "Lots of places. Your apart," He's cut off by a yawn, lazily pushing up his glasses to rub his eyes. "Apartment, for one." 

"You need me here." Jack says simply, plucking Adam's glasses off his face. He stretches over Adam to place them on the bedside table, flicking off the light before he lays back and pulls his boyfriend against his chest. Adam goes easily, already boneless and pliable beneath Jack's hands. 

"Huh," Adam huffs out a questioning little hum, and as much as Jack wants to let him rest, he knows he can't let this lie. 

"Holtzy," he says, gently dragging his nails up Adam's bare spine to make him shiver. It should wake him up just enough for this conversation. Adam trembles beneath his fingertips, little tremors rocking his large frame. "Why are you always surprised to see me?" Jack asks, smoothing his palm back down the ridges of Adam's spine. "I told you I was going to help you today but I don't think you believed me." Jack keeps his voice even, careful to avoid an accusation.

Adam's quiet, and for a moment Jack's worried he's fallen asleep. He's about to close his eyes himself when Adam shifts beneath his hands, pulling himself closer so his head slots neatly beneath Jack's chin. "'m not used to it." Adam mumbles. He starts picking at the collar of Jack's shirt, knuckles brushing the hollow of his throat. "You said you'd be here and now you are and I'm not really...People don't do that, for me. Historically." The worst part of it, Jack thinks, is how matter of fact Adam's tone is. He doesn't talk about his parents, barely mentions other family members besides his aunt and sisters, has only referenced one or two past relationships. He talks all the time about how much he hates people, but now Jack's beginning to think that maybe just aren’t people in his life for him to like. Adam inhales, like he's about to speak again, but stays silent. Jack hums but doesn't speak, not wanting to fill up the space between them with useless words. "I'm surprised at myself, too." Adam admits, restless hand finally settling against Jack's chest. 

"Why's that?" Jack prompts, pulling the blankets further up Adam's body. His hair is still damp from the shower and Jack doesn't want him to get cold during the night.

"I'm - " Adam begins, then huffs out a little laugh. "I'm always happy to see you? I like having you here, and I'm not used to that, either. I like being alone, but I like having you with me more." Adam speaks slowly, letting the words drip onto Jack's skin syllable by syllable. 

Jack threads his fingers through Adam's hair, scratching at the base of his skull. "Good thing you're dating me." He says wryly, giving a lock of blonde hair a gentle tug. 

Adam huffs out a sleepy little laugh. "Good thing." He murmurs, breathing evening out moments later. Jack holds him and follows into sleep soon after.

Ten hours later, Jack wakes up to the sound of the closet door slamming shut. The other side of the bed sinks down and when Jack opens his eyes Adam is sitting there, radiating tension as he tugs his socks on with far more force than necessary. He rakes a hand through his already mussed hair and glances at the clock on the bedside table, swearing under his breath. 

"Where are you going?" Jack asks, reaching out to place his palm on Adam's back. He's tense, the muscles straining beneath Jack's palm.

"I'm so fucking late, man. I slept right through my fucking alarm and I gotta get out there, I can't just leave them, you gotta be on time with cows, man, and fuck, they're probably hurting and - " The words are tumbling from Adam's lips, frantic in a way Jack's never heard before. Adam's dramatic, yes, but he's rarely flustered.

Jack sits up and winds his arms around Adam's broad chest. He settles his chin on Adam's shoulder, pressing a small kiss just under his ear. "I already milked and fed everyone." He says, already beginning to unbutton Adam's shirt. It's done up unevenly, the fabric hanging crookedly as Jack plucks the buttons back through the holes. 

"What?" Adam asks in shock. "How do you know how?" He's still tense beneath Jack's hands but he doesn't try to stand up or get away.

"I've done it with you enough times to know. I was paying attention." Jack explains just as he finally reaches the last button. He slips the flannel off Adam's shoulders, tossing it on the ground. "It took me about three times longer than it takes you, but it's done and everyone's happy. I checked in on all the new calves, they seem fine. I've never seen you sleep through your alarm before so I figured you needed the rest." He pulls Adam's undershirt up and over his head. He drops it over the side of the bed and wraps his arms back around Adam's torso, finally able to feel his skin. 

Adam's leaning back against him, able to relax now that he knows his animals have been taken care of. "Thank you." Adam says, turning his head to press a kiss to Jack's cheek. He shifts forward to strip off his socks and plants his feet to stand, but Jack pulls him back, wrestling him down to lay on the bed. "Zimmermann, I'm just trying to take my pants off." Adam whines but he doesn't move to get up. He's strong enough to fight back, Jack knows, but there's something incredibly satisfying about how he stays exactly where Jack places him.

"I wanted to do it," Jack admits, hands falling to the waist of Adam's jeans. His fingers settle over the metal button but don't move until Adam nods, eyes already half-lidded. Jack undoes the button and zipper and pulls the thick material down Adam's legs. It's - erotic's not the word. He can't find a word in English or French that accurately describes how it feels, but it's somewhere between  _ careful _ and  _ inevitable _ . When Adam's legs are free he drops the jeans with the rest of the clothes and crawls back up his body, only stopping when they're chest to chest and nose to nose. 

"Was it all you dreamed and more?" Adam jokes as he smooths back Jack's hair. His big hand settles on the back of Jack's head, a welcome weight pulling him closer.

Jack nods seriously, because it was, and Adam looks surprised in the second and a half it takes Jack to drop his head and seal their lips together. Adam's solid beneath him, all scratchy stubble and firm muscles and solid bone but he moves languidly, warm hands traveling over Jack's shoulders and chest as they kiss. It takes them a while to break apart but when they do Adam's pupils are blown and his cheeks are flushed. 

"You look good," Jack says, simply because it's true. Adam rolls his eyes, and Jack can't take the chance that Adam doesn't believe him. "And I've wanted to take your pants off for a while now." Jack ducks his head and drops a line of kisses down Adam's throat. 

"I have to know, just for my own peace of mind - is this your attempt at dirty talk are you legitimately being romantic?" Adam teases even as he tips his head back to bare more of his throat. When Jack glances up he's smiling, the morning light streaming over his hair and face. Jack grins, about to respond, when a wet thump from the window draws his attention. 

Jack glances up and immediately starts, knocking his head against Adam’s chin when he sees Liz Lemon’s huge head right outside the window. Her huge tongue is splayed over the glass as she licks enthusiastically. She’s gazing directly at them, eyes unblinking.

"Um," Jack whispers, gazing in horror as a cow licks the window. She bellows softly, leaving a thick trail of saliva, and in a moment of strange, terrifying clarity Jack realizes she’s looking directly at  _ him _ . Beneath him, Adam starts laughing, a deep, booming sound that starts in his stomach and echoes around the bedroom. 

“I’m kind of in the middle of something, Liz,” Adam says after he manages to catch his breath. She moos, almost like she can hear him, and Jack sits up with his knees bracketing Adam’s hips. “Look, you made him uncomfortable!” Adam’s talking to a cow like she’s a normal human roommate who accidentally walked in on them making out and granted, it’s his favorite cow, but Jack’s not sure how he’s so relaxed. 

“Could we - “ Jack begins, removing his hands from Adam’s chest only to place them back down. “The curtains?” He suggests, wincing when Liz bumps her nose against the glass. Adam’s big hands are splayed over his thighs, absently rubbing soothing circles into the muscles, but he’s looking over at the window thoughtfully.

“I mean, I technically have to watch them have sex so maybe she thinks she’s returning the favor?” Adam asks, nose wrinkling as he thinks and it would be cute if there wasn’t a fourteen hundred pound animal staring straight into Jack’s soul. He pushes Adam’s shoulder, about to protest, when Adam shrugs and finally turns his attention back to him. “I’m just saying! It kind of makes sense.” 

“Does she even know what we’re doing?” Jack asks, incredulous. There’s a high squeal as Liz begins licking a new portion of the window, the glass squeaking beneath her tongue. 

“Maybe she thinks you’re hurting me.” Adam says, looking up at Jack earnestly. “We should switch, just so she doesn’t worry.” It’s a ridiculous thing to say and an even more ridiculous request to agree to, but at this point Jack’s willing to try anything. He rolls off of Adam onto the other side of the bed and Adam quickly follows, thick arms bracketing Jack’s head. When they turn to look Liz Lemon’s wandered off, presumably to watch some other couple hook up. 

“See?” Adam says, sounding altogether too satisfied. “Just had to show a little dominance.” 

“Being on top doesn’t make you dominant.” Jack shoots back, and that, for some reason, makes Adam’s cheeks turn a darker shade of red. He opens his mouth then shakes his head, only speaking after a moment of deliberation. 

“You’re just saying that because you’re not on top.” Adam replies, lowering more of his weight onto Jack’s body to underscore his point. Jack can feel the warmth of his bare skin through his thin t-shirt and boxers, relieved he stripped down before going back to bed. 

“I could be on top in a second.” Jack grins, lazy and cocksure, and for a moment he thinks Adam’s going to challenge him to a wrestling match but his boyfriend just lowers his head, hovering just above his lips. 

“Sure, but then she might come back.” Adam murmurs, glancing back over at the window with a grin that shows each and every one of his teeth. Jack rolls his eyes, surreptitiously checking to make sure that Liz Lemon has in fact not returned. 

Jack tilts his head to the side so their lips will slot together perfectly when Adam finally closes the gap between them. “You’ll send out the cow signal and she’ll come rescue you?” He asks, matching Adam’s smile when his boyfriend laughs.

“Something like that.” Adam mumbles just before dropping his head to kiss him. Jack surges up under him, wrestling his hands out from underneath Adam’s bulk to cup his face. Adam pulls away a moment after, shifting his weight so he’s lying mostly beside Jack instead of on top of him. “I’m sorry, I know it’s weird.” He says with a wince. “We don’t have to -”

“No, I want to.” Jack cuts him off, turning on his side so he can press their lips together again in a short kiss. 

Adam leans into him but still breaks the kiss with both eyebrows raised. “Really?” He asks, looking more unsure than Jack’s ever seen, and Jack can’t have that. 

“Yeah.” He says with a definitive nod. Jack tries to pull Adam in for another kiss but his boyfriend speaks again before he can make it. Jack huffs but relaxes his grip, letting Adam have a little more space.

“You’re sure.” Adam confirms, hand finally coming to rest on Jack’s hip. His thumb slips under the fabric of Jack’s t-shirt, idly rubbing over his silvery stretch marks. They’re mostly faded by now but Jack knows Adam won’t be able to miss them in the morning light. He can’t bring himself to care, though, not when Adam’s so close. 

Jack nods, managing to land a kiss on Adam’s lips before answering. “Absolutely.” He says, the words muffled as he changes tactics and plants kisses Adam’s cheek and chin. 

“You’re positive.” Adam says and that’s what finally gives Jack pause. He leans back, relieved when Adam follows him, but he has to ask anyway. 

“Are you sure? You sound like you’re not sure.” Jack settles his hand on Adam’s collarbone, feeling his pulse pump steadily against the pad of his thumb. 

Adam almost dislodges his hand with his enthusiastic nodding. “Oh, I’m sure.” He says, effectively erasing all of Jack’s doubt. Still. 

“Really?” He echoes, just to show how it felt when Adam asked him time and time again. Adam rolls his eyes and pushes Jack’s shoulder so he’s lying on his back before rolling back on top of him.

“Jack, have you seen yourself? I’ve literally been fantasizing about your ass since I was seventeen and watched you go up a flight of steps at a hockey rink in Waterloo, Iowa.” He says, matter of fact, like this is common knowledge for the public domain. Jack had no idea. He knew  _ he _ felt something back then, tangled as it was in hormones and competitiveness and internal homophobia, but he’d assumed that Adam hadn’t figured things out until much later. 

“I thought you hated me.” Jack says, trying to imagine a seventeen year old Adam Birkholtz actually  _ wanting _ him. Maybe those lingering glares were actually lingering  _ stares _ and oh, that definitely makes all the body checking take on a whole new meaning. 

“Yeah,” Adam agrees, wrinkling his nose. “But I loved your ass.” He says with a dirty grin, waggling his eyebrows. Jack laughs softly, reaching up to smooth his thumbs over Adam’s thick eyebrows to still them. 

“Okay.” He says with a little shrug, hands drifting down to cup Adam’s face. 

“Okay?” Adam asks, confused. He’s so expressive, every thought and emotion displayed on his sleeve for the world to see. Right now, though, it’s all for Jack.

Jack grins and pulls him closer, settling onto the bed. “Well. You’re already on top, so.” He says, trailing off just as Adam’s eyebrows rise in understanding. Jack can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks but he holds steady, looking up at Adam with what he hopes is a calm expression. 

Adam shifts his weight, tucking a thigh between Jack’s legs, and dips down to brush their lips together. “That was surprisingly smooth,” he says, suitably impressed. “I’m going to have to step up my game.” He kisses Jack again, properly this time, pulling on Jack’s lower lip with his teeth. Jack responds in kind, hands slipping around Adam’s head to thread his fingers through his thick hair and just barely remembers to break the kiss to reply. 

“You’ve never had any game,” He mumbles, immediately pulling Adam back down for another kiss before he can respond. Adam feels solid above him, broad and strong with muscles shaped from hard work. His lips are soft, contrasting with the rough scrape of his stubble across Jack’s cheek. As good as it feels, Jack can’t help himself. He twists his head to the side to break the kiss and tries to ignore Adam’s soft bites down the side of his neck as he speaks. “You didn’t even have game when we,  _ oh _ , when we were playing The Game,” Jack says, jerking when Adam bites down firmly on his neck. It hurts for a moment and then it fizzles out into something deep and sensual and Jack’s about to point out how helpful Adam’s giant teeth are when Adam pulls back suddenly. 

“I should have known you’d be this chirpy in bed,” Adam says as he pushes himself up onto his knees. Jack tries to sit up with him but Adam wiggles out of his grasp and pushes him back down against the bed with a firm hand. “If you say anything about my teeth you’ll be sucking your own dick.” Adam’s hands curl around the bottom hem of Jack’s t-shirt and practically tear it off his head, throwing it almost across the room in his haste. 

Jack watches the red fabric sail across the room and shakes his head. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He says as he props himself up on his elbows. Adam’s staring down at him, gaze lingering on his chest and abs, and Jack finally has an opportunity to look at his boyfriend as well. For all the bed sharing they’ve done they’ve never been this undressed around each other. Now, with the morning light streaming through the windows, he can see everything - well, almost everything, since they’re both still wearing underwear - but he can still see the outline of Adam’s cock through the fabric of his boxer briefs and it seems like he’s pretty  _ proportional _ , so to speak. Jack tears his gaze away even though he knows objectively that there’s nothing wrong with looking. But old locker room habits are hard to break so he lets his gaze drift up Adam’s solid frame, lingering on his defined pecs and pale skin, to his face only to find that Adam’s staring down at him, too. Their eyes meet and there’s a moment of silence as they realize they’ve both been caught, and then Adam starts laughing. Jack joins in and pushes himself up to a sitting position to meet Adam halfway when he leans down for a kiss. They’re both still smiling so it’s far from technically perfect but Jack loves it nevertheless. 

“Not bad, Zimmermann,” Adam says, draping his arms over Jack’s shoulders. Jack flushes from the compliment but maintains eye contact, smoothing his hands down Adam’s chest as he explores the muscle and sinew beneath his skin.

“Not so bad yourself,” he replies, giving Adam’s hips a firm squeeze. He’s warm beneath Jack’s palms, radiating heat and light. His hands travel to Adam’s lower back and keep moving down, slipping beneath the waistband of his underwear to cup his ass. “You know,” he says conversationally, like he isn’t feeling his boyfriend up for the first time. “I think your ass is better now than it was when we were seventeen. Aged like cheese.”

Adam raises both eyebrows, incredulous, then bursts into laughter. Jack can feel the vibrations at every point of contact, pressed together as they are. “You’re the weirdest person I’ve ever met.” Adam says. “I can’t believe I’m still having sex with you after that.” His hands settle on the waistband of Jack’s boxers to prove his point, and after Jack gives a nod of confirmation he pulls them down.

“I was just trying to provide a connection to something you understand.” Jack says as he lifts his hips, settling back onto the bed as Adam guides the fabric down his legs. 

“I don’t need figurative language! I know how this works!” Adam protests, holding up Jack’s boxers to illustrate his point. He tosses them over his shoulder, already dipping back down to kiss Jack again, when Jack places his hands on his chest. 

“Prove it.” Jack challenges, lips curled up in a smug smile. His hands glide down the planes of Adam’s chest, seamlessly tugging down his boxer briefs. 

Adam shakes his head but still moves to help Jack take off his final layer. “You’re impossible.” He says, but his smile undermines the sentiment.

“Actually, I’m pretty easy.” Jack says with a shrug, hands returning to Adam’s ass. He gives the muscles a firm squeeze, just to show his enjoyment, and Adam rolls his eyes.

“Well, you have wanted to take my pants off for a while, after all.” Adam agrees, steadying himself on Jack’s shoulder with one hand as he leans to reach into the bedside table to pull out a bottle of lube and a condom. He places the condom on the bed, beside the pillow Jack was just using, and starts rolling the bottle in his hands to warm it. 

“I’ve been waiting a long time.” Jack admits, letting his hands roam. One drifts up to Adam’s back while the other moves down to his thigh as Jack explores his hard muscles and soft skin.

Adam raises an eyebrow, expressive as ever. “You just kissed me last month.” He says, reaching out to push Jack back down onto the bed. He follows quickly, hovering over Jack as he settles on the pillows. 

“Yeah, but I wanted to do this before I figured out that I love you.” Jack says, because it’s true. There’s always been an attraction; Jack’s perfectly willing to admit he has a thing for blondes, and a blonde who’s taller and broader than he is who could actually keep him from scoring? Adam’s hit all his buttons for years, even when they hated each other.

That finally shuts Adam up. He ducks his head like he always does whenever Jack says those words, a small smile on his lips. He leans forward to kiss Jack, tentatively at first, starting slowly, and when he finally seals their lips together he deepens the kiss almost immediately. He pulls away with a gasp, gazing steadily at Jack, and says, “I’m glad you waited. I like it better this way.” Jack has to kiss him for that so he pulls Adam closer and presses their lips together firmly.

Adam topples to the side, dragging Jack with him, barely breaking the kiss as he hikes Jack’s leg up over his hip and slips his hand between them to close his huge hand around their cocks. Jack groans, relieved to finally have some direct contact, and for a moment all he can do is hold on tight and rock into the pressure. He could come like this, he  _ wants _ to come like this, but Adam pulls his hand away all too soon. Jack tilts his head back, mouth open to protest, but before he can form the words Adam has reached between his legs to brush a lube-slick finger against his hole. Jack turns his head to muffle his moan into the pillows but a persistent hand turns his head around so he’s face to face with Adam again. 

“Jack,” Adam says, and he almost moans again just from hearing Adam’s rough, deep voice sound out his name. “I need to see your face; you have to tell me how it feels.” It’s more of a plea than a command so Jack nods, turning to face Adam, and when he finally looks up Adam already looks wrecked. He’s flushed from his cheeks down to his chest, hair sticking up every which way because Jack’s been pulling it every which way, and his pupils are blown but he looks gorgeous like this. Jack’s about to tell him as much when the pad of Adam’s finger brushes up against him again, and then Adam’s gently pressing inside and Jack forgets everything but the familiar pressure. Adam’s looking at him intently, eyes trained on Jack’s face as he searches for any sign of discomfort, so Jack leans forward and kisses him to assuage any doubts. Adam’s finger slips deeper inside him when he moves and Jack gasps into Adam’s mouth, a small, hitched sound, but Adam doesn’t pull back. Jack knows he shouldn’t rush this but one is by far the strangest amount of fingers to have inside him so he twists his hips, trying to push down, but Adam doesn’t let him rush. He waits, steadily moving in and out, until he pulls out completely and then he’s pressing two fingers inside and Jack groans from the stretch. 

“Okay?” Adam asks as his fingers sink in to the second knuckle. He’s so close, forehead pressed against Jack’s as they share a pillow, and when Jack wraps a hand around his bicep he can feel the movements of his arm underneath his palm and deep inside. Jack nods, making a soft sound of affirmation in the back of his throat. He’s not sure how long they lay like this, nose to nose with two of Adam’s fingers inside, but Jack’s dick is ready for him to move on faster than the rest of him is. 

“Can you - more?” He asks, shifting his hips restlessly. Adam just shakes his head. 

“You’re still too tight, I don’t want to rush.” Adam explains, dropping another kiss on Jack’s lips. He doesn’t linger, instead pushing on Jack’s shoulder with his free hand until Jack rolls onto his back, moving with him so he doesn’t have to pull out. When Jack settles onto his back Adam crawls down the bed, brushes his lips against Jack’s hip bone, and takes his cock into his mouth with little preamble. 

Jack curses, immediately reaching down to thread his fingers through Adam’s hair. Adam moans when he tugs, the vibrations travelling straight to Jack’s cock and the cycle repeats itself when Jack’s grip tightens. Adam’s in constant movement, broad shoulders brushing against Jack’s thighs as he bobs his head in time with the steady in-out motion of his hand. Jack has a moment of respite when Adam pulls off and out to catch his breath and apply more lube to his fingers. Jack wipes the sweat from his own brow with his free hand, staring up at the ceiling as he pants, and when his gaze travels down he sees Adam looking up at him with hooded eyes. 

“Having fun?” Jack asks, the words more breathless than he’d like. Adam grins but just shrugs his shoulders, bumping up against Jack’s legs as he moves. 

“Eh, kind of. I guess.” He says, but before Jack can reply or make fun of him for saying ‘eh’ he dips his head and swallows around Jack’s cock, pressing against him with three thick fingers. Jack’s head falls back against the pillows, eyes squeezing shut from the stretch, but it’s too much in exactly the right way. He can feel Adam’s throat pulsing around him as his fingers rotate slowly as they sink inside. He takes a deep breath, accidentally letting out a low moan when he exhales, and then Adam’s in as deep as he can go, his thumb and pinky resting against Jack’s ass. Adam pulls off his cock, licking around the head as he waits for Jack to adjust, and when he starts to pull out he dips his head down again, going back and forth until Jack tugs on his hair insistently. His gaze snaps up to Jack’s face as he pauses, mouth still wrapped around Jack’s cock, and arousal surges in Jack’s stomach when their eyes meet. Adam looks incredible, lips swollen and red, and Jack can’t take his eyes off him even after he pulls off his cock and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Ready?” Adam asks, gaze drifting down to his hand after Jack nods. His cheeks darken as he watches his fingers slip from Jack’s body, and when he looks up Jack’s handing him a tissue from the nightstand and the condom he dropped on the bed earlier. Adam takes the tissue first, settling on his knees as he wipes the lube off his hand and takes the condom after he throws it in the general direction of the trashcan. “Do you know how you want to - ” Adam begins, but Jack interrupts him as he sits up. 

“Yes,” he says succinctly, pulling his legs under him so he’s also resting on his knees. He places both hands on Adam’s shoulders and guides him around, moving him until his back is resting against the headboard. Jack swings his legs over Adam’s hips, settling on his thighs as he waits for Adam to get ready. When the condom is on and lube has been applied he shifts forward, reaching behind with one hand while the other finds Adam’s shoulder. Adam grasps his hips in his huge hands to steady him but even with the help it takes Jack a few tries to push his cock in the right position. 

“Sorry,” Jack mumbles, blushing as he tries and fails again. “It’s been a while.” He admits, but Adam just shakes his head. He’s rubbing soothing circles onto his hips and dropping kisses to Jack’s sternum and chest. 

“No, it’s good, don’t apologize.” Adam smooths his hand up Jack’s stomach, almost reverent as his palm skates over his defined muscles. His reassurance makes some of the tension seep from between Jack’s shoulders and then, finally, he’s sinking down onto the blunt head of Adam’s cock. It feels huge inside him, stretching and filling him exactly how he’d wanted it to, but Jack knows he hasn’t taken all of it even when his ass settles on Adam’s thighs. Jack breathes in deeply, exhaling through his nose, and waits for his body to adjust. Adam’s silent beneath him, keeping his hips still as he runs his hands up and down Jack’s body. He’s just reached Jack’s hips when he eases himself up; Adam’s grip tightens again to hold him steady. Jack pauses at the apex, hands slipping over Adam’s strong shoulders to cup his jaw, and Jack leans forward to kiss him as he sinks back down again. Adam moans and Jack swears he can taste it, sweet and syrupy on his tongue. 

It’s not the best position. Jack, once he adjusts, can’t take in nearly as much as he’d like because their thighs are in the way. Adam’s legs must be going numb from the weight and after Jack speeds up his thighs begin to ache but none of those facts make him want to stop. He keeps going, fucking himself on Adam’s cock until he’s almost dizzy from the heat of being pressed up against him, but Jack just tips his head back, groaning when Adam takes the opportunity to freshen up the bite marks from earlier. He wraps an arm around Adam’s shoulders to keep him close while the other finds the headboard, searching for purchase as he moves faster. Adam’s teeth scrape over his collarbone as his thumbs press into Jack’s hips, pulling him down and helping to lift him up. He rolls his head around, staring down at Adam, who looks right back up at him. 

Their eyes meet, blue on blue, and for a moment it’s intense - almost too intense. Jack’s breath hitches as Adam’s hands absently squeeze him just a little tighter, and he’s about to look away, self conscious for the first time this morning, when Adam beams up at him, sunny and bright as the light coming through the windows. Jack lets out a low laugh, unable to help himself.

“You’re ridiculous,” he says, already ducking his head to place a kiss on Adam’s lips. Adam tilts his head back and lets himself be kissed, responding languidly. Jack settles his hands on Adam’s neck, palms stretching from his jaw to his cheeks, and gently sucks on Adam’s lower lip. 

Adam waits, arms winding around Jack’s waist, and when Jack pulls back he’s gazing up at him with a small smile. “But you like me anyway,” Adam says smugly, and Jack’s about to correct him because no, actually, he  _ loves _ him anyway, when Adam moves suddenly. 

Adam surges beneath him and the world tilts; the next thing Jack knows he’s flat on his back and Adam is  _ everywhere _ , pressing down on him from all sides. He blinks, trying to make sense of the sudden change when Adam shifts to kiss him, moving his hips at a steady pace as he seals their lips together. Jack can’t help the breaths that are pushed from his lungs whenever Adam presses deep inside. Heat simmers in his gut, little bursts of pleasure sparking up whenever his cock brushes against Adam’s lower stomach. Adam breaks the kiss, brow furrowed in concentration, and pulls up Jack’s hips so he’s thrusting in at a different angle. The difference is instantaneous. Jack arches his back, letting out a low cry as every thrust catches his prostate. It’s overwhelming in the best way, all encompassing and staggering, and Jack can’t get enough. Adam grins and begins moving faster, harder, before Jack even knows to ask for it. He buries his face in Adam’s neck and holds on, hands scrambling for purchase on the shifting muscles of Adam’s back. 

It’s good, it’s so good, and Jack suddenly realizes he’s not going to last much longer. There’s something welling up inside him, something emotional and sensual and intense and he mumbles into Adam’s neck to try to relieves some of the pressure. It helps, slightly, but then Adam’s muscles shift under his skin as he moves but Jack just tightens his grip.

“What’s that?” Adam gasps, hips slowing. Jack can feel him trying to look down so he pulls back and lets himself fall against the bed. 

“Keep going,” he says, letting out a cry when Adam picks up the pace again. His hands move up Adam’s body, travelling from his sides to his chest to his neck to finally cup his face, and it’s that image, Jack’s own hands holding him close as Adam fucks into him, that does him in. “This is where I want to be,” Jack says, letting each thrust push a gasping moan from his lips. 

Adam’s brow furrows in confusion but he doesn’t stop. He turns his head and drops a kiss to Jack’s inner wrist before speaking. “What, this position?” He asks, hips slowing just a bit as each thrust becomes harder, pressing into Jack exactly where he needs it. 

Jack shakes his head. “No, I want to be with you,” he says, not caring if he’s making any sense. It’s what he wants, though, in this moment, and he needs Adam to know it. It’s all that matters right now, the distance and their history and the weird cow appearance all fall away and Jack thinks,  _ I could be here with him and be happy _ and it becomes  _ he makes me happy _ and soon  _ I want to be with you  _ plays on a continual loop in Jack’s mind. It’s the only thing he can say in this moment, so he says it again, and again, dropping words left and right until he gasps, “I want you,” with every thrust. He only stops when Adam kisses him because really, there are more important things than speaking when Adam’s lips are pressed against his and his tongue does something that makes Jack’s toes curl. 

When Adam pulls back he stops moving his hips, pausing when he’s pressed inside Jack as deeply as he can. “You are with me,” He says, shifting his weight so he can brush the hair off Jack’s forehead with his clean hand. It’s not a revelation, because Jack already knew it to be true, but hearing Adam say it here, now, as he gazes down with flushed cheeks and a soft smile, it finally sinks in. 

“Yeah?” Jack gasps just as Adam begins to move his hips again. 

“Yeah, of course, sweetheart.” Adam says gently, a contrast to the steadily increasing speed of his thrusts.

It’s not the word itself that does Jack in; it's everything behind it. It’s the way Adam’s lips are still curled in a small smile when he ducks his head to kiss him. It’s in every gasped breath and cut-off groan. It’s the way the word makes him feel small, contained, like the world’s shrunk to fit between them. It’s because right now he gets to be someone’s sweetheart,  _ Adam’s _ sweetheart, not a disappointment wrapped in a master’s degree instead of a uniform.    
  
Jack gasps under Adam’s lips, stealing the breath from his lungs, and comes. He pants and shakes, writhes and whimpers, and when he opens his eyes Adam is staring down at him in awe. He didn’t have  _ do _ anything, not really, but Adam still looks wrecked. Jack pants, trying to catch his breath, then pulls Adam down for a deep kiss. His arms feel weak but he holds Adam close, swallowing down his moans and half-formed words as he thrusts deep inside and comes, hips pulsing through the aftershocks.

When it’s over, it doesn’t feel like it’s over. They have to stop kissing while Adam throws the condom away but Jack immediately rolls on top of him, not caring about the come that’s on his stomach. Adam doesn’t seem to mind, either, judging from the way he wraps his arms around Jack, and they kiss until Jack’s heart rate slows and he’s caught his breath. He moves down Adam’s body to rest his head on his shoulder, and the moment he settles back down Adam’s hands drift from his lower back down to his ass.

“Hey,” Jack protests, turning his head to gently bite down on Adam’s clavicle. “Give me a break.” Adam jerks beneath his mouth, even after he soothes the bite with a soft kiss.

“I didn’t get to do this!” Adam counters, giving Jack’s ass a firm squeeze. Jack fights the urge to press up into his hands; it feels good but it’s the  _ principle _ of the thing.

“So?” He asks, raising his head so he can see Adam’s face.

“So I’ve loved this ass since I was seventeen! Just let me have this.” Adam’s speaking at full volume again, but it’s comforting instead of annoying. It’s just another part of being home. Still, Jack fights back what he knows will be a fond smile and shakes his head.

“I literally just did.” Jack says, voice flat and unimpressed as he keeps up the bit.

“I can’t argue with that.” Adam says, the words tapering off as he yawns. He doesn’t even try to hide it as he tips his head back and opens his mouth wide. Jack can see almost every single one of his teeth and he ignores the fond warmth that uncurls in his chest.

“Nope.” Jack says suddenly, pushing himself up even though his arms are still weak from exertion. They’re stuck together with come and sweat and the lube between Jack’s legs has gone tacky but Adam still tries to pull him back down.

“No, come back.” Adam whines, tugging on Jack’s hips ineffectually. 

Jack shakes his head and twists out of Adam’s grip, narrowly missing their pile of clothes when he steps off the bed. “It’s eleven in the morning. I’m not letting you go back to sleep.” He says as he catches Adam’s hand, lacing their fingers together so he has a better grip as he tugs in an attempt to get him out of bed.

“But I just did stuff! Stuff you liked!” Adam grabs onto the headboard with his free hand, refusing to sit up even though Jack hasn’t been making much progress anyway. Jack pauses and takes stock of the situation, deciding to change tactics. 

“Come on, you can feel me up in the shower.” He offers, giving Adam’s hand a gentle tug. Adam’s eyes narrow as he considers his options, and to Jack’s relief he sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. 

“Very well, I accept.” Adam announces as he stands and immediately steps into Jack’s space. Jack settles his free hand on Adam’s hip, pressing his thumb into the muscle and bone. He rocks up, pressing their lips together one more time, and Adam cups his cheek as he responds. When Jack sinks back Adam brushes his thumb over his cheek, gazing down at him with the warm smile that’s quickly becoming one of Jack’s favorites. “Let’s go; you made me a promise and by God, you’re going to keep it.” He says dramatically. Jack laughs and tugs on his hand, pulling him towards the bathroom with a broad grin on his face. 


End file.
